How to Make Amends Steps & Real-Life Examples to Repair Relationships

December 23, 2021

Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them. This step emphasizes making direct amends wherever possible, acknowledging harm caused and taking actions to rectify mistakes. A big part of working the 12-Step Program is making amends.

Fulfill your promises.

Individuals battling substance abuse can become different versions of themselves and make decisions or behave in ways that hurt their loved ones. Addiction is often isolating, which can make quitting difficult. With proper treatment, individuals can become sober and turn their lives around. In a sober living house, members can transition out of treatment and adjust to their new substance-free lifestyle. They also have the opportunity to work on repairing their relationships with friends and family that may have been damaged because of their previous addiction struggles. Whenever possible, a direct amend is made face-to-face rather than over the phone or by asking someone else to apologize on your behalf.

Links to Official 12 Step Websites

For example, if you reach out to a family member to https://scienceofbiogenetics.com/articles/understanding-the-role-of-genetic-testing-in-detecting-mental-illness-unraveling-complex-neurological-patterns-for-enhanced-diagnosis-and-treatment apologize, you need to understand the full extent of your wrongdoings without minimizing what happened or trying to justify your behavior. Apologizing is only the first step in taking responsibility. A bigger part of it is demonstrating a commitment to making things right and restoring trust through actions. Notice the words “right to resentment” and “underserved qualities” in there?

Living Amends

Making amends allows us to correct mistakes and show that we are not defined by your disease.
It’s essential to recognize that making amends involves recognizing and admitting the harm done, which can be a tough emotional hurdle.
An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing.
In this step, we attempt to remove some of the debris created in the past through our actions.
In Step 9, participants acknowledge the negative impact their addiction had on others and commit to direct amends where possible.

This can refer to participation in a wide variety http://boulderlibrary.net/a-healthy-house/chronic-illness-from-acute-exposure-to-virulent-mold-species.html of methods. What they all have in common, is a sense that life is improving and the addict is regaining control. More and contributing to your community, you are making amends every day.

Learn About Addiction

An amends letter can be a powerful way to communicate intentions when direct communication is not possible.
This distinction helps us grow a healthier self-image, reliance upon our Higher Power, and promotes lasting recovery.
Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible.
Avoid initiating a conversation if the other person is distracted or upset by something unrelated.
How you start these conversations depends on your relationship with the person you harmed and the circumstances in which you plan to make direct amends.
We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

While many people are receptive and supportive to attempts to make amends, some are not. And some people in your life may not be receptive on your timeline. Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. Once you enter into sobriety, there isn’t a set timeline for working Steps 8 and 9, so you might want to ask your sponsor and recovery support network for their insights about whether you’re ready. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine. No doubt you will experience challenges and setbacks along the way.

I am a grief professional

Acknowledge the full extent of the pain or damage you caused, whether it was emotional, financial, or physical. Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss. With all those articles (that you https://thestillroomblog.com/tag/illness/ should go back and check out if you haven’t read them), it would be easy to assume we have said all there is to say. But if you are dealing with guilt and grief, you probably aren’t surprised that there is more to say.

Sometimes we cannot or should not contact the individual we have harmed. Or perhaps we have done irreparable damage and need to supplement our direct amends. In those cases, we may make amends through charitable donations, volunteering, and helping others. Very commonly the cause helped is related in some way to the damage done.

Steps for Making Living Amends

These involve acknowledging faults and resolving to live well in the future to make up for past wrongs.
In particular, he discusses how to heal when the person we need to make amends with is no longer living.
Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for.
Mutual Aid, peer led support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous guide members to work through these steps to maintain sobriety and help others.
We go back to a moment in time and we fixate on the things we wish we had done differently.

The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. This is part of our ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care. Those who receive an amends see firsthand that people with use disorders can and do recover, becoming healthy, happy and productive community members. Thank you again for taking the time to listen (or read this) and please reach out if you have any questions or feedback in the future.

At Harmony Haus, we offer the guidance and support members need to navigate this stage in their recovery. Through our various sober living programs and services, our members gain the tools to reflect on their past and communicate more effectively. However, making an effort to repair relationships will benefit you and your loved ones in the long run. The 9th Step is a crucial and transformative part of the recovery journey in Alcoholics Anonymous. It requires more than just a simple apology; it involves taking concrete actions to rectify past wrongs and demonstrating a commitment to change. Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living.